Let's assume some constants (that will be valid in all my other posts, unless stated otherwise):
- I am a 31 years old guy;
- I am a little bit shy - I never had the chance to get experience around women, but I am making a lot of progress;
- I am not especially bad looking - I'm not overweight, and I often go to the gym;
- My tastes concerning women seem to be more modest than most - I have a light disdain for women who are too close to the so-called magazine perfection. I'd like someone cute with a nice smile.
- My circle of friends is unfortunately pretty limited.
- My schedule on a work day is getting up at 4h45, and going to sleep at 9h15.
From here, and since this post is about finding a new lady friend, there are three possibilities:
Going to the bar alone
I go to the bar alone, take a seat on an uncomfortable stool, and order a drink. What next? Look at the glass near your hand? Might as well turn and look at the people around.
I can't fail to notice that most of the women are in a group of at least two - if the group includes a guy, and there is an even ratio of guys to girls, one of the guy is most likely her boyfriend. Can't approach a mixed group, and can't approach a group made of only women.
Are there any women alone? Rarely. When there is, there is almost never eye contact. Can't approach someone without first making eye contact, right? In the infinitesimal chance that there is, and she didn't yet hurl in disgust, am I supposed to just go to her, say hi, and talk about the weather, hoping that it didn't change in the last 10 minutes since I entered the bar? I am a little shy, and the stuff going through my head are not funny.
Going to the bar with a sister or a lady friend
Every person in the bar - including the always-gorgeous barmaid who probably has the unhealthy pleasure of rejecting the hundreds of flirts she gets every work day (even when she is single), and the bouncer who seems to have gone to the gym more often than to school - will think (with reason, obviously) that the girl next to you is your girlfriend.
Going to the bar with one or more brother(s) or guy friend(s)
So my best chance is to be part of a group of guys. I have no idea what to really expect from here. What I usually see in movies is leaving me kinda queasy, like when I had to do an oral presentation in school. I guess at some point, I have to leave the group to talk to someone, because we have to admit it, the task of the first step is left solely to the guy. Yeah, never saw a woman walk towards the man and talk to him (except in movies). I'm not saying it never happens, just that, statistically...
Anyway, there are so many things that I feel are wrong with the "number-one dating medium". First off, the sound level. I'm supposed to have a conversation with someone, for the first time, screaming in her ears?
Let's not forget that such a high volume can cause permanent damage to your audition. Call me weak or simple-minded, but I'd like to keep hearing perfectly well into my hundreds (years old).
When you ask how you should act on a first date, people invariably tell you to act "yourself". That strikes me as terribly contradictory, since you're going to a bar, and are expected to drink something that contains some random amount of alcohol. I guess alcohol does loosen you up a bit, but even so, it's so easy to drink one too many and no be yourself anymore. For some people, too many drinks may be two. Others don't even drink. And the barmaid is going to take your way-too-easy-to-finish-and-terribly-overpriced empty glass and pressure you to take something else, under penalty of sitting at the bar with nothing in or near your hands.
Another thing would be the time. I'm someone who has a work schedule that consists in getting up early, going to the gym or run, work, get back home, and go to bed early. This schedule is who I am - it defines a part of me. I've been an early bird almost all my life, and to change my healthy habits to accommodate something that I believe to be flawed to begin with would be... would be wrong, I guess. I start getting up late, [OMG how did you do that?] find a girlfriend, then go back to getting up early?
And how about changing my habits for one night (say, friday)? I get to the bar at around eleven, already starting to feel tired, but the sound level is keeping my head wide awake with audio stimuli. At two am, I'm wondering what percentage of my not-being-myself-at-all could be attributed to my being sleepy, or to my being a bit drunk. I go back to sleep at four am, get up at noon (groggy), try to get back to my schedule as soon as possible by going back to bed at ten, but I'm not sleepy at all yet. I fall asleep at around 2 am, wake up feeling weird at ten or so, and wound up going to work the next day with minimal damage, but not in optimal shape. Things get really worse if I would go to the bar friday and saturday, or just saturday.
This concludes the first part of my blog about dating.
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