Crowds
Another thing I hate about bars is that they're often very crowded. I don't know if most people are like me, or if I'm the only one scared that everyone around is judging my every action, but being in a crowded place is unnerving me. I can't feel at ease when everything I do causes a mental alarm that warns me that people are probably looking at me right now. And judging. Even though I definitely know that it most likely isn't true. Why would people do that anyway?
Another thing about crowds is that sometimes, there isn't enough place around yourself. I'm talking about that "personal space", where if a stranger steps into, you get uncomfortable. Being in that state, combined with a higher concentration of CO2 in the room, could make my facial skin flush / blush, and I could start sweating. Which could easily degenerate into being even less comfortable, and more of that awkward feeling of being judged.
Physical Contact
Which leads to physical contact. It's usually frowned upon for someone to touch a stranger, however subtle it can be. Crowded or not, I like to keep my skin to myself. That being said, there can be times when being touched by a stranger can feel good, even arousing (iif that stranger is of the opposite sex). A woman dancing close could bump into you, and if these bumps become more frequent, and longer, well, someone like me could feel less "invisible" for a little while. For a change.
I'm aware that alcohol can induce such behavior, and, unfortunately, it probably is the only reason someone would voluntarily and regularly bump into me in such a way. One time, such thing happened to me - until I noticed her boyfriend come back with her drink. She didn't even notice she was touching me! So I moved out of reach.
Personal rule of thumb, I won't move back unless I have a reason to. Like if I notice she's squeezed between me and someone else, and she's looking at me with angry eyes. I won't move forward either, mind you. I would consider that rude and too forward.
Eye Contact
Something that's really troubling me is the eye contact. When I walk on the street, in the mall, or wherever else, I look at people I cross in the eye. The eye contact is very rarely made, as if people were afraid or uninterested to know me. When there is eye contact, there is usually a hello, or at least a nod. I wasn't like that before, but I like it when such a tiny conversation is exchanged between two people who most likely will never meet again.
Thing is, the eye contact is very different in a bar setting. I can't approach a girl without first having a visual contact with her. You can tell a lot by the way someone looks at you, and one of these things is if she'll downright reject you if you come to her. When I look around in a bar, I see nobody looking back at me. People look at the people they are with, and glance around themselves once in a while, but I have received more casual contact from men than from women. Are men less afraid to look? Is it because women are confident that men will come to them, and they don't feel the need to look around?
Dancing
I don't dance, end of story. I am very down-to-earth, and feel absolutely no impulse to throw my hands in the air, and move my body to the sound of some dance music with too much low-frequencies. People look like they have fun when dancing, though. I just know I don't. That's possibly because of my fear-of-judging thing... So I stay at the bar or some table, and look at whatever is interesting to look at around me.
Temporary Conclusion
This concludes my rant about dating in a bar. I've talked about my views for several things, and I could have gone on about the lack of lighting, the risk of someone drinking too much (possibly leading to a bar fight), the extremely overpriced drinks and the tips that go with them, the tip you feel obliged to give to the lady who gets your coat and hangs it (tough job!), and even the suspicious dude in the toilet who's there to help you wash your hands and give you some kind of perfume or whatnot.
My point is, the number-one dating scene is seriously flawed, from a logical and practical point of view.
But that's probably just me...
No comments:
Post a Comment