Working Parents

A recent trend among couples is that both are working. They meet, get married, have kids, but both are so dependent on material possessions or various expensive services that they continue working and just give their children to some caretaker every day of the week. Or maybe they never thought about it that much, and continued their day-to-day lives. Or maybe they have too much debt...

You rarely saw that in the 1920s, 1950s, even 1980s. Women requested more and more rights, and wanted the freedom to do what they wanted. I'm not saying it's a bad thing (far from it), but a consequence of this newly found financial independence is that they want to keep it, and not rely on someone else. Also, we have a society so centered on material possessions that we are willing to forget family values.

I once started the subject with someone. What she replied was "I went to the university for this job, why would I throw it away?" What better reason would you need than for your children?

Please don't get me wrong - I'm not saying it's because women continued to work, but because both parents kept working. If my future love wants to keep working after we get kids, I'll seriously consider giving up my own job and take care of the kids and the house, all day long.

Think about how your parents were when you were a kid. Chances are that, if you're about my age or older, your mother was staying home. Dad left home in the morning, after breakfast. Mom took care of you, played with you, prepared lunch, did some cleaning, washed some laundry, and prepared the dinner just before dad got back from work. Then what? Both were having a nice evening, doing relaxing things, playing with you, or whatever.

Your mother had a job - a very demanding one, and unpaid, but consider the alternative... Both your parents wake up and hurry to eat breakfast and dress you, and both take their respective car in opposite directions, one of them bringing you to a daycare center. You stay there, playing with friends, until one of your parents come and get you back. Both parents get back home, it's 17h30, dinner is not made, and they hurry to prepare something quick (and unhealthy) before spending the evening doing a batch of laundry and cleaning the kitchen, to finally take a breath 20 minutes in front of the TV before going to bed. You, all that time, couldn't get your parents' attention, and had to play by yourself or with your siblings. And then, it's the weekend, and your parents spend it working and cleaning everything that they didn't have enough time to during the week.

This is a trend, and it's a totally voluntary one. People right now are preferring a life of stress and higher pay grades, instead of spending quality time with their family. Yes, they can afford a 60" plasma TV, and the latest PC, and they can give a smartphone to each of their kids even if they costs 60$ per month. But at what cost?

You mother had a job - and in every aspect of it, it's the most rewarding job ever. You help your kids grow up, see them take their first steps, you're there to hug them when they hurt themselves (they always do), and most important of all, you take your time and give them your values. Not the values of a daycare provider - I'm not saying their values are wrong, just that they are not yours.

That leads me to wonder exactly why our society is like that. What has become of the American dream? Was "keeping up with the Joneses" the problem? I guess it's a possibility. Ads are made in such a way that we feel compelled to buy stuff, all the time. Remember the excitation just before you buy something? It's like a drug. We are fed images of things that we don't need, and are "told" that we "should buy it" because "normal people" have it.

Does a family really need two jobs? It costs an average of 10,000$ per year for daycare, per child. Plus a second car (let's say 5,000$ per year, over five years), plus gas, plus the extra cost of ready-to-eat food... Maybe add to that a vacation, because of the added stress? All these extra expenses that occur only as consequences to having both parents working. After taxes, you're left with a net amount of what... 1,000$? 10,000$? 20,000$?

I urge people to consider a life more centered on family values, and less on material possessions. Do you have debts? Pay it back, and as soon as possible! Buy a used car instead of a brand-new 35,000$ one (or for crying out loud, buy the 20,000$ one!). Do you really need *all* those channels on your tv? Do you really need that expensive piece of clothing with a brand on it? Cook instead of going so often to the restaurant. There are so many expensive things that we don't see around us. And when you are done with your debt, invest what you have left - it will pay in the long run.

Maman, papa, merci du fond du coeur pour ce que vous avez fait pour Mélanie et moi.